The 4 Secrets To Setting Boundaries With Children That Will Change Everything

The one thing I hear more often than not from moms is never having any alone time, and if they do, they feel guilty about it.

I’m no stranger to either of those thoughts but I recognized a long time ago that there was zero longevity in those thought patterns and something was going to need to be done in order for me to keep my sanity as a mother.

Here I outline some of the ways I was able to break free from mom guilt and make space for myself along the way. It’s a game changer!

Listen below for the entire episode on The Systemize Your Life Podcast

One: Believing in a better future for them & Believing you are worth more

Trusting that you are a better mom when they don’t have constant access to you. Kids and humans in general take things when they are in the free bin. But as soon as you put a price tag on something it becomes valuable. We want our children to learn the value of the love, and care, and nurturing, we give them. Without some kind of boundary in place we put ourselves in the free bin. And although I would agree that I am absolutely there for my kids 100% of the time, I am certainly not okay with my kids even at 3 and 8 having free reign over my life.

The only way to set boundaries with your children is to be consistent.

You’re setting the example for how they value their own self worth later in life.

You’re still a good mom even if you don't give them every ounce of yourself.

TWO: Clear communication

Before you think they can understand. Never shy away from getting down on your knee or sitting cross legged on the floor and taking the time tell them how you feel. Tell them what you want. Communicate with them and ask for communication from them. I place healthy boundaries on my kids by getting on their level and having a clear discussion and communicate both of our needs and feelings. Teach empathy by giving it. 

Three: Consistency

Show up for them routinely and allowing them to know what to expect from you allow them the confidence they need in your relationship to be okay with time away. I teach moms to use their AM block of time to fill up the love tanks in their children for this very reason. Allow your kids to see you and for you to see them, you will carry that with you when you are not with them. They also will know hey in order for mom to pour into me like that she needs time and space too.    

FOUR: Discipline

Love and Logic is the guiding principle in everything I do with my children. It took me a long time to get it right, and I still have to work at it very hard. But its magic.  Using love and logic allows your children to begin to solve their own problems and not depend on your for every solution to every problem they have.

The 4 Steps to Love & Logic

  1. Empathy: acknowledge their feelings; “Awe how sad”

  2. Power message: “What’re you going to do about that?”

  3. Offer choices: “Would you like to hear what some other kids have tried?” Options ranging from poor choices to better choices

  4. Child takes the next step: Follow up with “How is that going to work for you?” This allows for the child to solve their own problem

Empower your kids to make their own decisions and learn consequences.

Be consistent, communicate and promote kids making choices and learning from them.