Keeping the date night spirit alive after kids is really hard to do, I get it. But, being on a budget, or under quarantine, or being extra busy is not excuse to stop dating your husband. Work from home moms can easily fall in to this trap of yoga pants or pajama pants all day with hair in a messy bun and maybe a swipe of deodorant on a good day.
What this episode is all about is making sure that both you and your husband keep the spirit you had while you were dating, before kids and marriage, alive and well. You don't want to be roommates, housemates, raising kids and cleaning dishes, cooking dinner and falling down dead at the end of every night, and you don't have to.
But, you're going to need a system that keeps you from getting sucked in to the mundane parts of life and keeps your heart and mind focused on the most important relationship God has given you. You, and your husband.
This post is my favorite, which I say that about all of them, but truly if there is anything you spend your time figuring out in life, it should be how to have a deep and meaningful connection with your man, and this system is exactly how to do it.
Listen below for the entire episode on The Systemize Your Life Podcast
Step 1 - Pray Every Day
When Blaine and I first met he asked me often if we could pray together and I was truly the most attractive part about him. It set the tone for what is now a very prayerful marriage and has been the key to staying connected and grounded to the true reason of being married.
If this is a new idea and isn't something you do currently in your marriage, start small. I have had to really come out of my comfort zone when it comes to praying with other people, and that is okay. No matter where you or your husband are with prayer, just make sure you start with something, and stay committed.
Step 2 - Know Each Others Strengths
We attended a marriage conference when were first got married called the XOXO Conference and it made a huge impact on us. One of the presenters there, and the creator of the ministry, Jimmy Evans wrote a book together called Strengths Based Marriage.
We bought the book and went through the entire exercise to help us find out what our strengths are as individuals and how we could use those together to create and incredibly strong marriage. It helped us to be patient with each other when we are at odds, and helps us to step back and let the strengths in each other soar with trust and appreciation.
Step 3 - Plan Together
Every Sunday we have a meeting together called the Sunday Sit Down. We named the event so we knew what to put on our calendar, and what we needed to do during that time. We now just know that every Sunday (or Saturday if he is on shift) that we will sit down and plan out the families entire week together.
This allows us to be supportive of one another in our time management, attitudes, and how we pray for each other. I have an entire post that does a deep dive on the eight things we put on the calendar every week here. You can do a thorough read on how we plan every weekend and start implementing it in your life as well.
Step 4 - Have Other Interests
This is pretty straight forward. Have something your life that you love to do and can be proud of. Something that draws you away from your husband and kids and home, and bring that joy and love back to the table.
When you were dating there was so much to talk about because so much of your life was separate and unknown. That is critical in keeping the spirit of dating alive even after you are married. There are so many times that I am literally DYING for date night because I have so much going on in my personal time and I cannot wait to tell Blaine because he is truly my biggest fan.
Step 5 - Date Every Week
Last, but certainly not least, if my favorite.....DATE NIGHT!
Yes, you read that right. I said you need to have a date night every week. I know, I know, you're REALLY busy. So are we. And we make it happen.
There really are no excuses, I mean there weren't any excuses when you were dating right. You'd swim across high tide to see each other. He deserves the best of you, not the last drop out of the bucket so prioritize each other and make it happen. Get it on the calendar and commit.
Not every date night has to be a huge event. The purpose is simply to keep the spirit of dating alive. Announce it is date night. Tell your friends and family you are going on a date, like you did when you were actually dating, make that magic happen again. Put your phones away, and just be with each other. I put together a list of different ideas, creative and cheap, to get you thinking about how you can make date night happen every week in your life.
Here are 10 date night ideas you can start right now that don't require a lot of money, time, or a sitter.
Picnic at the park
Movie on the couch
Wine and fire pit outside
Show Her Off (free virtual country dancing lessons)
Go to bed early
Cook a special dinner after the kids eat and go to bed
Darts in the garage
Yard games during nap time
"what would I do if we were dating?"
Keeping the spirit of dating alive is challenging with kids and jobs and life all in the mix, but I promise it is possible. The number one way we continue to keep dating and be more than just friends is by using this question to help us gage how to respond, "what would I do if we were dating?"
You fell in love and MARRIED each other based on choices and behavior, and forgiveness and grace that were shown and made during dating and you can absolutely do that again. Our favorite resource for staying spiritually grounded is Jimmy Evans' teachings online. I've linked his YouTubeTV channel for you here. Wether or not you are struggling to even speak to one another, or are in love as ever, these bible based teachings are truly what keep me and Blaine together.